Funny Facebook Status Updates

is....

• too cool for school.
• constantly evolving.
• intelligently designing.
• the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
• a day late and a dollar short.
• eating a PB&J sammich.
• the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
• trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
• flossing with angel hair pasta.
• creatively disabled currently.
• preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris. What should I WEAR??!?!
• watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
• definitely not watching what not to wear.
• definitely not watching oprah.
• selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
• forcing my dog to learn how to google.
• teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
• about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
• watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
• snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.
• sexual healing.
• eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
• one day older than I was yesterday.
• crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
• happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
• kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
• mediocre at best.